The Start Of A Short Story.

SM Ciel · Nov 6, 2008 at 6:45 AM

This is the start of a short story I'm writing for Creative Writing class.
It's still in rough draft form, obviously. And it's no where near being done.

I figured I'd share it with you guys anyway. I'm not going to give away the plot line, 'cause well that's no fun for you, the reader.

“Rain today.” Cole said inaudibly, stepping out onto the busy New York scene, a cigarette hanging from his lips. Exploring the pockets of his H&M jacket, he had found his lighter. Cole never liked the idea of smoking, but in recent years it has been his Eden. “Come on you piece of ----.” Cole said while trying to light his cigarette, almost losing it. After a handful of attempts, the lighter had worked, and his cigarette had been lit; its end, what was once complete, a burning ash. He pulled up his collar and walked out from underneath the awning he had been standing under.

There was a man standing on the edge of a sidewalk calling for a taxi. Standing next to him, another, similar in presentation. Shaking his head Cole continued down the busy street. The glimpse of a red umbrella up ahead had caught his eye amongst the dull gray underline of the city. As he drew closer, Cole was able to make out a couple standing vertical to its handle. Holding up the umbrella, the male figure seemed almost too happy for the type of day it was. The female, significantly shorter than her counterpart, stood on his shoes, kissed him, and jumped into a waiting taxi with him following not too far behind. He knew that she loved him and perhaps, Cole thought, the reason that he appeared almost too happy was because he was in fact, happy.

Cole, now passing the taxi the two got inside, heard a knock from its interior. The window began to roll down and the woman began to slide the umbrella through. “Here, take it. You need it,” she said. Not wanting to waste of their time and more importantly, not wanting to break her heart, Cole took her up on her offer.

“Thank you,” Cole said, this time losing the cigarette from his mouth. The woman simply just smiled and the taxi had driven off.

Cole opened the umbrella and stood in place underneath it and couldn’t help, but think about the woman in the taxi. Too short to kiss her lover on the lips. Her wide eyes, her smile. Looking upward through the umbrella he became lost in thought. The umbrella was hardly transparent, but see through none the less. The sky, a bloody red, had brought him back to his bleak reality. Guilt slowly began to overcome him. He closed the umbrella, clutching it in his hand and continued through the populous rush of beating hearts.

Standing at an intersection Cole could see a cemetery; his destination. He was lost in thought again when heard a man talking in his general direction. “I’m sorry, what?” Cole asked.

“May I ask why you’re not using your umbrella? It’s raining pretty hard.” The man asked Cole in return. The man bothered Cole. Maybe it wasn’t so much the man, but the question. This was none of man’s business yet he still insisted on asking just to make small talk while he waited impatiently. Cole knew that the man didn’t particularly care as to why he wasn’t using the umbrella and shrugged the man off.

“It was a gift.”As soon as he spoke, Cole realized his mistake. Now the man was going to ask a string of questions unimportant to his own existence and that he would forget later that evening, if not the following.

“A gift?”
“Yes.”

With that, the man had stopped talking and together they waited. Time seemed to blanket the two men as they stood there; one soaking wet, the other and his Hugo Boss tuxedo, dry. The light had finally changed and they walked . At the end of the crosswalk the man had said something to Cole and had disappeared to the left, leaving Cole to walk alone.[/b]
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Geko-Slave · Nov 6, 2008 at 1:24 PM

Pretty cool, I'd say if you're gonna go for alot of detail in the description, you go for it completely and describe way too much. Also in the first few paragraphs the sentances are basically all the same length, makes it read a bit sing-songy.

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The Start Of A Short Story.

SM Ciel Well-Known Member

Geko-Slave Senior Member

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The Start Of A Short Story.

SM Ciel Well-Known Member

Geko-Slave Senior Member

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