Quotes

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by godnlegend, Apr 19, 2007.

  1. godnlegend

    godnlegend Active Member

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    What's some of your favourite quotes or saying. List them.
     
  2. dinges

    dinges Senior Member

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    kicks topic down
     
  3. atro

    atro Well-Known Member

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    "It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful."
    -Anton Szandor Lavey
     
  4. Mathijs.Design

    Mathijs.Design Well-Known Member

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    fresh prince ftw :P
     
  5. atro

    atro Well-Known Member

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    lmao, they show that one like 10 times a day on The Box
     
  6. .-TehBird.-

    .-TehBird.- Well-Known Member

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    lol

    Get busy living, or get busy dying - Morgan Freeman
     
  7. Mathijs.Design

    Mathijs.Design Well-Known Member

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    yeah, I love that background laugh of the women, makes me giggle everytime.
     
  8. .Embrace.

    .Embrace. Well-Known Member

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  9. Snooze

    Snooze Well-Known Member

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    "You're the f*cking leaders, you have the power. Don't let these ------s dictate the rest of the world, or dictate you f*cking life!"
    -Billie Joe Armstrong (at Live 8 concert on July 2, 2005 in Berlin, Germany)
     
  10. NC Tallain

    NC Tallain Well-Known Member

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    You asked for it.

    Smack your child every day. If you don't know why - he does.

    If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all

    A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

    Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

    I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

    Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

    Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

    Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

    When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

    Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."

    Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

    We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

    When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'

    If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

    The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

    Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

    A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

    Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

    Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

    For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

    I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

    I invented the cordless extension cord.

    I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

    I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

    I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

    There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.

    After numerous rounds of: "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

    Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message: 370HSSV-0773H

    Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the F B I. No one could solve it so it went to the C I A, then to NSA.

    With no clue as to its meaning, they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. MI-6 cabled the White House:

    "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

    ____________________________________________________________

    Dear Husband:

    I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last
    straw.

    Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.

    You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

    P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!

    Have a great life!
    Your EX-Wife


    Dear Ex-Wife

    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

    When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

    After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could
    work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.

    But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.

    So take care.

    P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Robert, my
    brother, was born Roberta. I hope that's not a problem.

    Signed
    Rich As Hell and Free!
    ____________________________________________________________

    Choosing a wife

    A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

    The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

    The man was impressed.


    The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

    Again, the man is impressed.


    The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

    Obviously, the man was impressed.


    The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

    Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

    From the beginning of time, man has looked at the heavens and firmly believed that the end of the universe ends out in space. It's not true. The end of the universe happens to be in the United States. I have seen it. And, oddly enough, it's in Houston, Texas...I know, I was shocked too... I left the comedy club there and walked down the street. On one corner, there was a Starbucks. And across the street from that Starbucks, in the exact same building as that Starbucks, was a Starbucks. At first I thought the sun was playing tricks on my eyes. But, no. There was a Starbucks across from a Starbucks. And that, my friends, is the end of the universe. People have said to me, 'how do you know?' And I say, 'go there. Stand between those two Starbucks and look at your watch. Time stands still.' And if you turn this way, and look at just this Starbucks, immediately you think, 'You know, There cannot possibly be a Starbucks behind me. Nobody would have been that stupid, to have built a Starbucks across from a Starbucks. And if there was a just and loving God, he wouldn't allow that kind of **** to go down.' So you turn slowly, thinking, 'well, I'll see a Gap, or a Denny's, maybe even a Mobil Station... BUT THERE'S A STARBUCKS!'

    Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

    Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

    When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

    I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

    "This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country." - Clint Eastwood.

    In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

    I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bull----.

    I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

    I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

    First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

    Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

    Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

    Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

    I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

    I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

    I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb.

    You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

    If a Kurd, after surviving bloody battle with Saddam Hussein's army and a long, difficult escape through the mountains, is crushed and killed by a parachute drop of humanitarian aid, that, my friend, is irony writ large.

    Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof, where nobody can retrieve it.

    I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

    Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

    Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.

    The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

    A lot of these people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt.

    It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

    I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

    I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying.

    How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

    It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

    I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

    You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

    New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

    I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

    I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.

    At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

    Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something...

    I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
    I said, "You'll be sorry."
    He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"
    I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

    I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are you christian or buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you catholic or protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me too! Are you episcopalian or baptist?" He said, "Baptist!" I said,"Wow! Me too! Are you baptist church of god or baptist church of the lord?" He said, "Baptist church of god!" I said, "Me too! Are you original baptist church of god, or are you reformed baptist church of god?" He said,"Reformed Baptist church of god!" I said, "Me too! Are you reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.

    Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

    I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off me, you two!"

    Nintendo is the Apple of gaming. It's innovates. It creates a superior product. All the cool games are available on the other systems.

    PC: We go into the cave.
    DM: Roll initiative.
    *everyone rolls initiative*
    DM: Okay, the monster goes first. It urinates at you.

    "Those who are skilled in combat do not become angered, those who are skilled at winning do not become afraid. Thus the wise win before they fight, while the ignorant fight to win."- Zhuge Liang

    A man who wins a battle wins the world. A man who wins the people wins immortality.

    "Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but usually manages to pick himself up, walk over or around it, and carry on." -Winston Churchill

    After weeks of deliberation, you have yet to hear a compelling argument for not beating most of the people you've ever met to within an inch of their lives.

    Slashing through our foes
    With a good two-handed blade
    Over the corpses we go
    And through the gore we wade.
    Mace on helmets ring
    Making bodies fly
    What fun it is to sing out slayinng song
    and watch these suckers DIE!
    Oh, ring their bells with swords and spells
    don't let them get away!
    We're brave and bold for fame and gold
    We'll make a lot to day!
    Oh, ring their bells with swords and spells
    don't let them get away!
    We'll hack and slash and blast and trash
    And blow these dudes away!

    "All great things are simple, and many can be expressed in single words: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope." -Sir Winston Churchill

    All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

    A man has honor if he holds himself to an ideal of conduct though it is inconvenient, unprofitable, or dangerous to do so.

    At times like this, I like to question my sanity. I ask it, "Hey sanity, are you still there"? There's usually no response.

    Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

    "A free people ought not only to be armed and disciplined, but they should have sufficient arms and ammunition to maintain a status of independence from any who might attempt to abuse them, which would include their own government." ~George Washington

    Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

    Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. - Robin Williams.

    A high IQ is like a Jeep; you will still get stuck, just farther from help.

    'Censorship' is a term pertaining only to governmental action. No private action is censorship. No private individual or agency can silence a man or suppress a publication; only the government can do so. The freedom of speech of private individuals includes the right not to agree, not to listen and not to finance one's own antagonists.

    Death is that state where one lives only in the memory of others, which is why it is not an end. No goodbyes--just good memories.

    "Even at our birth, death does but stand aside a little. And every day he looks towards us and muses somewhat to himself whether that day or the next he will draw nigh."

    "Facts are chains that bind perception and fetter truth. For a man can remake the world if he has a dream and no facts to cloud his mind."

    For those who believe, no explanation is necessary; for those who don't believe, no explanation is possible

    Few things are more attractive than courage, cheerfulness and optimism. But they take on an extra dimension when you realize that they are not a lucky assembly of character traits, but the result of an act of will—a deliberate attempt to tackle an unkind destiny with strength of purpose and good humor

    Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you.

    Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to the eyes. Silently and imperceptibly, as we wake or sleep, we grow strong or we grow weak, and at last some crisis shows us what we have become

    "History doesn't always repeat itself. Sometimes it just screams, 'Why don't you listen to me?' and lets fly with a big stick." --John W. Campbell Jr.

    "History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot." ~ Mark Twain

    History is much like an endless waltz. The three beats of war, peace, and revolution continue on forever.

    "Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth."

    "If winter is slumber and spring is birth, and summer is life, then autumn rounds out to be reflection. It's a time of year when the leaves are down and the harvest is in and the perennials are gone. Mother Earth just closed up the drapes on another year and it's time to reflect on what's come before."

    "It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small." -Neil Armstrong

    "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment."

    "I have a mind like a steel trap; it is rusty and illegal in 47 states"

    "I reject your reality, and substitute my own!"

    I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

    If there was a switch that said, 'press to destroy the world' with a wizard around, the paint wouldn't have time to dry

    If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie!

    "I need to refill this prescription. It's for my anxiety disorder and, uh, it's working nicely 'cause, uh... I wouldn't be able to approach you otherwise. "

    If the words "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" don't include the right to experiment with your own consciousness, then the Declaration of Independence isn't worth the hemp it was written on.

    I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?

    "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by."- Douglas Adams.

    I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

    If you want to know what true art is: Go outside on a clear night, wait until it gets very, very dark, then look up! You will see no rules of composition, no evidence of superior technique. Yet, you will be staring into the very face of pure, unadulterated beauty and wonder.

    Luck is a really strange thing in life. Have you ever thought about why one friend always seems to find dollar bills laying on the ground, while your other friend seems to have a nasty habit of getting stuck inside cement mixers and consequently being poured into the foundations of houses? That's just luck, and you either have it or you don't.

    Metaphysics it is the science that studies a black cat, inside a dark room... that is not there

    My wife ran away with my best friend. I sure miss him.

    May the smile on your face come straight from your heart

    Naturally the common people don't want war: neither in Russia, nor in England, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But after all, it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to do the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.

    Paranoia is a very comforting state of mind. If you think they're out to get you, it means you think you matter.

    "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug."-Mark Twain

    "The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time." Friedrich Nietzsche

    To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children... to leave the world a better place... to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    If I had a dollar for every time someone made a statement about how many dollars they'd have if such and such, then I'd at least get a dollar.

    The words "flaming", "slingshot", and "kitten", are no longer allowed to be used in the same sentence.

    The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.
    - Ursula K. LeGuin

    Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world.
    - Arthur Schopenhauer

    "Each friend represents a new world in us; a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only in meeting them that a new world is born."
    Anais Nin

    "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
    Albert Einstein

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer?
    - George Price

    "Think for yourself. Question authority. Think for yourself. Question authority. Throughout human history, we have been haunted by the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos. It has been the authorities, the political, the religious, the educational authorities, who attempted to 'comfort' us, by giving us 'order', 'rules', 'regulations'. Informing and forming in our minds -their- view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority."
    -Tim Leary.

    "Shop our store with great deals on the material things you capitalist pigs have been brainwashed into craving."
    -Found on Website: UGO Networks, Inc

    Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
    - Mark Twain

    Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
    - Albert Einstein

    History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
    - Sir Winston Churchill

    When the going gets weird, the weird turn ---
    -Hunter S. Thompson

    As a mother, at the risk of her own life, watches over her only child, so let all humans cultivate boundless love for all living beings.
    - Buddha

    In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.
    - Bertrand Russell

    Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats.
    - Howard Aiken

    Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
    - Steven Wright

    Things are only impossible until they're not.
    - Jean-Luc Picard

    Injustice is happening now; suffering is happening now. We have choices to make now. To insist on absolute certainty before starting to apply ethics to life decisions is a way of choosing to be amoral.
    -RMS

    The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.
    - Albert Einstein

    This is the devilish thing about foreign affairs: they are foreign and will not always conform to our whim.
    - James Reston

    Nature is trying very hard to make us succeed, but nature does not depend on us. We are not the only experiment.
    - R. Buckminster Fuller

    The truly faithless one is the one who makes love to only a fraction of you. And denies the rest.
    -Anais Nin

    For you and for me the highest moment, the keenest joy, is not when our minds dominate but when we lose our minds...
    -Anais Nin

    A beauty is not suddenly in a circle. It comes with rapture. A great deal of beauty is rapture. A circle is a necessity. Otherwise you would see no one. We each have our circle.
    -Gertrude Stein

    I see myself wrapped in lies, which do not seem to penetrate my soul, as if they are not really a part of me. They are like costumes.
    -Anais Nin

    There will never be darkness because in both of us there's always movement, renewal, surprises. I have never known stagnation. Not even introspection has been a still experience...
    -Anais Nin

    When others asked the truth of me, I was convinced it was not the truth they wanted, but an illusion they could bear to live with.
    -Anais Nin

    For me, the adventures of the mind, each inflection of thought, each movement, nuance, growth, discovery, is a source of exhilaration.
    -Anais Nin

    Every man has his price. Mine is £4.99.

    An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.

    Bend the facts to fit the conclusion. It's easier that way.

    Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.

    A good pun is its own reword.

    Simplification good! Oversimplification bad!

    "The most merciful thing in the world...
    is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents." - H. P. Lovecraft

    When man calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it.

    "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." - Philip K. Dick

    That is not dead which can eternal lie,
    And with strange aeons even death may die.

    To err is human. To moo, bovine.

    "Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us fourty years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil." - Golda Meir

    A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

    "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it." - Elwood

    Everything's better with Gridfire

    "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." - George Carlin

    Whatever it is, I'm sure that I was just about to get to it.

    Give a man a program, frustrate him for a day. Teach a man to program, frustrate him for a lifetime.

    Love makes the world go 'round, but, then again, so does a hard blow to the head.

    "The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

    What part of "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" do you not understand?

    If I wanted your opinion, I'd read your entrails

    Klein bottle for rent - inquire within.

    "Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett.

    Warning: Not a religion, do not worship.

    "They called me mad, and I called them mad, and damn them, they outvoted me." - Nathaniel Lee on being consigned to a mental institution, circa 17th c

    "The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'" - George Carlin

    This is a one line proof... if we start sufficiently far to the left.

    If God didn't want us to eat people, He wouldn't have made them out of meat.

    Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam
    (Tr. "I have a catapult. Give me all your money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.")

    QUARKBAR - the candy with flavour and charm.

    "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." - Taken from an S206 (officer fitness report)

    It's bad luck to be superstitious

    When Cthulhu calls, he calls collect.

    A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

    It may look like I'm doing nothing but on a cellular level I'm really quite busy.

    "I have now reigned about 50 years in victory or peace, beloved by my subjects, dreaded by my enemies, and respected by my allies. Riches and honors, power and pleasure, have waited on my call, nor does any earthly blessing appear to have been wanting to my felicity. In this situation, I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot. They amount to fourteen." - Abd Er-Rahman III of Spain, 960 A.D.

    Carthago esse delendam.

    Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it binds the universe together.

    As the Euclideans would have it, irrationality is the square root of all evil.

    We're sorry, the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your telephone ninety degrees and try again.

    A good man has few enemies. A ruthless man has none.

    Our god's the FUN god! Our god's the SUN god! Ra! Ra! Ra!

    Save the whales! Collect the whole set!

    Cthulhu Saves. He might get hungry later.

    Do not call up that which you cannot put on hold.

    "Beer is the mind-killer. Beer is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my beer. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the beer has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." - The Litany of Beer(with apologies to Frank Herbert)

    If at first you don't succeed, try following the instructions.

    The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist is afraid that it is.

    All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

    That which is not forbidden is mandatory.

    I intend to live forever or die trying.

    Don't play with fire, it does aggravated damage.

    Go away, and take your stupid with you!

    "An Outside Context Problem is the sort of thing most civilizations encounter just once, and which they tend to encounter rather in the same way a sentence encounters a full stop." - Iain Banks

    Curiosity may have killed the cat, but he certainly died happy.

    "Never try to reason with a pig, it's a waste of time and it annoys the pig." - Mark Twain

    Before I became a Discordian, I used to be afraid of my own shadow. Ah, but now my shadow is afraid of me!

    Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

    Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so you can strangle it at any time.

    All that glitters has a high refractive index.

    A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.

    Saying "Hastur" over and over makes webpages load faster. Really.

    Reality is a user-defined parameter.

    REX QUONDAM REXQUE FUTURUS

    "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - R.A. Heinlein.

    The true wonder of sciences is not in its ability to explain the universe, but in its capacity to form new questions.

    "I drank what?" - Socrates

    At first there was nothing. Then God said 'Let there be light!' Then there was still nothing. But you could see it.

    "I've noticed that the press tends to be quite accurate, except when they're writing on a subject I know something about." -Keith F. Lynch

    I shall fear no weevil.

    Eschew obfuscation.

    If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

    If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

    Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

    Elitism... It's not for everyone.

    You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.

    Thought Criminal

    You cannot kill what does not live.

    Have you found the Yellow Sign?

    The beatings shall continue until morale improves.

    Those who live by the sword get shot by those that don't.

    The voices in your head are lying.

    The government isn't a puppet of Big Business, it's a pawn of the Wyrm.

    Always remember you are unique. Just like everybody else.

    That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.

    Militant Agnostic: I don't know and you don't either

    You better watch who you're calling a child, Lois, because if I'm a child you know what that makes you? A pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert.

    As I said before, I never repeat myself.

    Conserve energy... fart in a jar

    KENTUCKY: Five million people, Fifteen last names.

    A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

    My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

    If you can't fix it with duct tape, you haven't used enough.

    If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

    Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

    When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

    Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?

    Do they have girl's bathrooms in gay bars?

    Ryldantar -- Branded Ruler

    DM: "The orc cleaves the elf in twain"
    Elf: "Does that make me a half-elf?"

    "When in doubt, deny all terms and definitions." - Calvin & Hobbes

    If you don't kick your adversaries while they're down, they might get up again.

    When all written documents can be falsified and our memories eventually fail us... what then is left of the truth? What then is left of the past?

    Don't let worries kill you, let the church help.

    People Ask Me, "Why is it free?" and I tell them (really slowly) "Because it doesn't cost anything."

    Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

    I heard about a new survey: apparently 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.

    Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

    "The simplest answer is almost always the best answer." -- Occam's Razor

    It’s only funny till someone gets hurt. Then it’s hilarious.

    On your mark. Get set. Go away.

    When life gives you lemons, find a kid with open wounds.

    If this is a free country, why does it cost so much to live?

    Remember, never solve anger with violence. Solve anger with brutal violence.

    Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

    Free Hats For Fat People Foundation Member #003

    Wilders do it with emotion, But psions only do it in their minds, Vampires do it with lots of blood, Fire Elementals do it till it burns, Arcane Archers do it from a distance, True Strike helps you do it with great aim, Wizards do it like Bigby, Sorcerors do it spontaneously, Monks do it bare, Clerics do it till you feel good, Paladins do it mounted, Fighters do it with almost anything, Druids do it wolf-style, Rangers do it in the bush, Drow do it in the dark, Mind Flayers do it with there tentacles, Skeletons do it with there arm bone, Demons like to do it in heat, Beholders like to peek. Zerg don’t have to do it, Barbarians do it furiously, Rogues do it in the back, Bards do it with a smile, Druids do it the natural way, Clerics do it on their knees, Bards do it in public, Druids do it like animals, Barbarians do it for 3+ con rounds, Bards do it singing, Clerics do it spontaneously, Druids do it with their wood, Fighters do it specialized, Monks do it diamond-bodied, Paladins do it without fear of disease, Rangers do it with two, Rogues do it with more skill, Sorcerers do it with familiarity, Wizards do it by the book,
    Elves do it in trees.

    How he lived, How he faired,
    No one knows, And no one cared,
    When he left, When he died,
    No one mourned, And no one cried,

    A good mini skirt is like a good conversation, Short enough to keep you interested, but long enough to cover the topic

    Never, under any conditions, take a laxative and a sleeping pill in the same night.

    I'm a MECH!

    "Next person who talks, I'm smacking with the D20 modern handbook."
    "How hard?"
    *thwack*

    An Ogre walks into a bar, and sees a dragon, a minotaur, and an orc.
    The bartender says "This isn't a joke, is it ?"

    Beware the optimists. For they are the ones with their evil half-full glasses of lies.

    I live on an Island full of radioactive cannibalistic homicidal kamikaze Nazi killer penguins.

    The below sentence is true
    The above sentence is false

    You can't explain to someone why he's stupid. It's like explaining what a brick wall is made out of.

    Up, up, and awry.

    Today we stand on threshold of yesterday's tomorrow.

    Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

    Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.

    Consciousness is that annoying time between naps.

    Mornings should not begin until after noon.

    He who goes looking for trouble usually finds it.

    A little nonsense now and then is relished by even the wisest man.

    Give me convenience or give me death!

    . . . toothbrush in the jaw toothbrush brush brush tooth jaw foam dome in the foam Roman dome come home home in the jaw Rome dome tooth toothbrush toothpick pickpocket socket rocket . . .

    I no longer own my soul, I traded it for an erasable pen.

    *sigh* A procrastinator's work is never done.

    Big words confuse him.

    Plus, he gets mad, because I just make up words by putting together words that sound intelligent. Like Proxyconclusion. (He still thinks that's a word)
    Plus, I use words completely out of context, like Amalgamate.

    It's funny really.

    "There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice." - Mark Twain

    The glass is neither half full nor half empty, but twice as big as it needs to be.

    In Call of Cthulhu, you go insane when you see Cthulhu. In Exalted, you cut him in half before beating him to death with his own tentacles. No contest.

    The Christians are coming to get you, and they are not pleasant people.

    Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at that moment they're not actually dying.

    So far, this is the oldest I've been.

    You know what's fun? Go to a German restaurant and insist on using chopsticks.

    There is now a Starbucks in my pants.

    Whenever I see a large crowd of people, I wonder how many of them will eventually require autopsies.

    An art thief is a man who takes pictures.

    Join the ranks of the unclean.

    The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

    The Jews are smart; they don't have a hell.

    The mayfly lives only one day, and sometimes it rains.

    I don't have hobbies, I have interests. Hobbies cost money. Interests are free.

    A pear is a failed apple.

    If you live long enough, everyone you know has cancer.

    I radiate as much sincerity as a barrel of crocodiles all crying at the same time.

    Did you know that 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year?

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    ....\..../´¯.I.¯`\.../
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    ...I......I....I....\.....\
    ...I......I´¯.I´¯.I \...)
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    ....\.................../

    Its like Michaelangelo vs. Donatello. I mean, seriously, how can a painter beat a Ninja Turtle?

    Bravery is just stupidity disguised by purpose.

    Don't bother fighting with idiots. They'll bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

    You've left the Underdark for the first time in your life. In the sky you see a large ball of fire. And it hates you.

    Death is kind of like sex in high school. If you knew how many times you just missed it you'd be paralyzed.

    I'm going to sound paradoxical and smart and stuff.

    Tautology + Analogy > Logic

    Everything is a dangerous drug except reality, which is unendurable.

    The best part about being a pessimist is that you're either always right or pleasantly surprised.

    Quick! Stand on my shoulders and pull me up!

    So what's the speed of dark?

    There are two kinds of people in the world, normal people, and people who try to divide the world into two kinds of people.

    A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?" The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound ----- wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

    The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

    Fighting for peace is like having sex for virginity.

    I'm sorry, that's not vague enough for me, could you be a little less specific?

    People who use mixed metaphors aren't the sharpest eggs in the basket.

    If my calculations are correct SLINKY + ESCULATOR = EVERLASTING FUN.

    Life's a bowl of punch, go ahead and spike it.

    "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

    "I like to tell people I have the heart of a young boy. Then I tell them it's in a jar on my desk." - Steven King

    Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.

    It's not the size that matters, but the DPI and the resolution.

    Life is full of choices. Sometimes you make the good ones, and sometimes you have to kill all the witnesses. But then you have to pay liability insurance.

    Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before

    It’s not right for people to walk around with there shirts off to show their muscles... I mean, you don't see me walking around with my shorts off...

    When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them

    If I was a woman, every time I had to go to the gynecologist, I’d fake an orgasm

    Don't piss me off today, I'm running out of places to hide to bodies

    Right now I'm sitting here looking at the screen trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

    I had a dream I was eating chocolate pudding then woke up with a spoon in my...

    What sexual position produces the ugliest children? ASK YOUR MOM!

    Have you ever wondered how we got milk? What makes a person decide, "Hey I think I am gonna go over to that cow and pull on those things hanging down and drink whatever comes out."

    Having a smoking section in eating areas is like having a peeing area in a pool...

    If you got scared half to death twice, would you be dead?

    There is a fine line in the human being that separates one half of a person from the other. Without its existence, life as we know it could never have existed. It is a space that allows out only what is taken in. It is a void that must remain open and free, lest an emergency descend upon us. Though it is often the cause of many struggles, we must learn to appreciate it, for without our butt cracks, we are nothing.

    If Hooters delivered would they be called knockers?

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good
    meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to
    sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful
    friend.

    "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

    Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

    "What does that tell you?"

    Watson pondered for a minute.

    "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and
    potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that
    Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is
    approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that
    God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
    Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day
    tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

    Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot.
    Someone has stolen our tent."

    Want to make $$$$ really fast? Hold down the shift key and strike the "4" key four times.

    A little girl walks up to her father and asks "Daddy, why am I called Daisy?"
    "Because when you were born, I dropped a daisy on your head" the father replies. So another one of his daughters walks up to him:
    "Daddy, why am I called Rose?"
    "Because when you were born, I dropped a rose on your head" the father replies. Then a third little girl walks up to him:
    "BWUAMALAMWUAHA!" She makes an indistinguishable loud noise, the father begins to yell at her:
    "SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK!!!"

    George and Albert are out on the golf course one Sunday morning. It is the 18th green and George is lining up a four foot putt to win. However, just before he plays his shot, a hearse rolls slowly by, followed by a funeral procession. George stands away from the ball, removes his hat and holds it to his chest, head bowed. Once the hearse has disappeared, Albert says to George "That was really touching. I didn't have you down as a sentimental man". George looks up from his shot and says "Well it's the least I could do. We were married for 30 years".

    "The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'"

    Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
    and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had
    to kill today because they pissed me off.

    There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do.

    An optimist drowned in a bath yesterday, police are not sure whether the bath was half full or half empty.

    Metaphors Found in Year 12 English essays

    Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

    He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature prime English beef.

    She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

    The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

    From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Sex in the City" comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.

    Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot oil.

    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

    Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

    The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

    The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

    "Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a Uni student on $1-a-beer night.

    He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

    The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

    She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

    She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

    It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

    Open a new Word document and type:

    = rand (200,99)

    then press on "enter"

    Wait for three seconds and look again...

    ...Not even Microsoft can explain that one.

    If a pig looses its voice, is it disgruntled?

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    Room service? Send up a larger room.

    Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

    Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

    He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

    I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

    A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

    From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

    Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!

    You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

    You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

    A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

    Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

    Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

    Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

    Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

    One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

    There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man.

    I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.

    I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

    If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

    I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

    I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

    It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all.

    I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

    Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

    Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

    Women should be obscene and not heard.

    Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?

    Time wounds all heels.

    Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

    Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

    As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

    Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like apple-sauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know.

    Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

    I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

    Whatever it is... I'm against it.

    A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

    Quote me as saying I was misquoted.

    A good friend will come and bail you out of jail... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn... that was fun!"

    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

    "We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the Complete Works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true."

    A mouse trap, if placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

    The eagle may soar wild and free, but weasels never get sucked into jet intakes.

    A day without sunshine is like, night.

    On the other hand, you have different fingers.

    I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

    42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

    99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

    I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

    Honk if you love peace and quiet.

    Remember, half the people you know are below average.

    He who laughs last thinks slowest.

    Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

    The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

    I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

    Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

    Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

    A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

    Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

    Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

    Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

    Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

    If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

    OK, so what's the speed of dark?

    How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

    If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

    When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

    If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

    I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

    I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

    Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

    Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

    Save the whale, collect the whole set.

    I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

    I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

    I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

    I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

    It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

    If I throw a stick, will you leave?

    You! Off my planet!

    At 10 in the morning, in the middle of the night
    Two dead boys got up to fight
    Back to back they faced each other
    Drew their swords and shot each other
    A deaf man heard all the noise
    Went and killed the two dead boys
    If you don't believe my story's true
    Ask the blind man - he saw it too

    You have broken the 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not quote The Lion King.

    Turtles don't rush into the heat of battle. They stomple… kinda like a 'trampling rampage' but at a real slow pace.

    Actually, I think kittens make excellent tech support. Just imagine.

    Irate Caller: I can't print! My document is gone! Two hours of work have been wasted!
    Helpdesk: :meows:
    Irate Caller: Awwwww....

    "I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

    I've never met a real world situation that couldn't be solved by saying "Pickaxe to the facehole".

    "All that is known is known. All that is known is unknown. When the unknown becomes known it will move from the second sentence and join the first"
     
  11. FNS

    FNS Well-Known Member

    Posts:
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    From Adventures In Hollyhood :P
     
  12. GuitarGuru

    GuitarGuru Well-Known Member

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    That reminds me of a story.... while I was waiting at my local movie theater for tickets to 300.... there were these two lesbian chicks behind us who were complaining about how long the line was. Then the guy right in front of them got pissed from all of their complaining and yelled out "THIS IS SPARTA!" and kicked one of them down the stairs. She got up and was yelling "IM PRESSING CHARGES ON YOU" and then a police officer escorted him out of the theater. But he is now my hero.

    My quote is "---- Happens"
     
  13. White Tiger

    White Tiger Well-Known Member

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    Niccolo Machiavelli (1469 - 1527)
    • "Before all else, be armed."
      "He who wishes to be obeyed must know how to command."
      "It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both."
      "It is double pleasure to deceive the deceiver."
      "Politics have no relation to morals."
    Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC)
    • "As for me, all I know is that I know nothing."
      "Beauty is a short-lived tyranny"
      "By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
      "From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate."
      "I was really too honest a man to be a politician and live."
    Cicero (106 BC - 46 BC)
    • "Ability without honor is useless."
      "An unjust peace is better than a just war. "
      "Any man can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error."
      "Empire and liberty."
      "Fear is not a lasting teacher of duty."
    Plato (427 BC - 347 BC)
    • "Democracy passes into despotism"
      "Dictatorship naturally arises out of democracy, and the most aggravated form of tyranny and slavery out of the most extreme liberty."
      "For a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest of all victories."
      "Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge."
      "It is right to give every man his due."
    H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
    • "A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar."
      "All government, of course, is against liberty."
      "Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies."
      "Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. "
      "Don't overestimate the decency of the human race"
    Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980)
    • "Fascism is not defined by the number of its victims, but by the way it kills them."
      "Everything has been figured out, except how to live. "
      "Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
      "God is absence. God is the solitude of man."
      "It is only in our decisions that we are important."
     
  14. xlink

    xlink GR's Tech Enthusiast

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    MICROSOFT WORKS


    F-CKING VIRGINS
     
  15. Ronin

    Ronin Well-Known Member

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    My Favorite "Arts of War"

    1:17 All Warfare is based on Deception.

    1:27 These are the strategist's keys to victory, they cant be discussed beforehand.

    3:3 For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.

    3:31 Therefore I say Know the enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles you will never be in peril.

    3:32 If ignorant both of your enemy and of yourself, you are certain in every battle to be in peril

    SunTzu - The Art of War

    Random Quotes:

    Fool: I just turned 18!
    Wiseman: Congratulations your a statistic.

    "Why fear another man , when you both bleed the same."

    "Death Before Dishonor"

    "Id Rather Die On My Feet, Then Live on my Knees."

    "Ill swallow my blood before I Swallow my Pride"

    theres other both those are my fav , also love alot of white tigers :D

    -Ronin, The Legend
     

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