looks good i like that style. only thing i see is the line going down the middle, its pretty distracting.
i think it might be the square, just put it under the render layer if it wont ruin it, i dont know much about that style so i unno how your layers were put in.
Version 2 looks alot better.Even though I usually don't like sigs that bright this one looks good.I can kinda make out the render but it looks like his head is missing.I guess that was intentional though.I would very much like to see this tut.