Make Me Laugh

The following are new Error Messages planned for Windows Vista:

1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4) Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
8) This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9) Windows message: "You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?"
10) This is a message from God: "Rebooting the universe, please log off."
11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
13) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup and press any key.
14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17) Runtime Error 6D at 417 A:32CF: Incompetent User.
18) Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER.
20) User Error: Replace user.
21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)"
22) Backup not found: (A)bort ®etry (P)anic


So true.

 

Google FTL

 

haha nice ones sending

 

A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents' bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."

His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."

The boy says, "That won't work."

His mom says, "Why?"

The boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"

 

Kirbir has boobs?

 

haha sending more

 

Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

 

Not really, i play with my rubiks cube for 2 minutes and then i solve it. You just suck at rubiks cubes.

 

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

 

I bet you change the stickers round >.>

What's the definition of trust?


Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

 

Three friends: Tony, Brian, and a blonde named Jennifer. They committed a crime and were getting chased by the police. There was a farm nearby so the criminals ran in to hide. Tony goes and hides with the cows. He saya"Moo, moo" The police come over and say"No one's here"They move on to the chickens and Brian was hiding there. He says, "Bok, Bok" and the police say,"No one's here."and move on. They go to a silo of bags of potatoes where Jennifer is hidden. She says, "Pooo... taaaa...toe..."


-------------------------
An atom walks into a bar, gets wasted. As he's leaving, he slaps his pockets and says, "Darn, I've lost an electron".

The bartender said "Are you sure?"

So the atom says, "I'm positive."

 

nope

 

an american an arabic a man from turkey and a dutchman are sitting in the train, the american throws out a bundle of money out the window and says ah we got plenty of it the arabic guy nods his head and throws out a can of oil ah we got plenty of those, the man from turkey nods his head too and throws out some fake rolexes from the black market ah we got plenty of it, after that all 3 begin to look at the dutch, the dutch looks at the man from turkey and the man from turkey says goddamn it don't even try. Man its easier to say it in dutch and don't take any offences please.

#2
T.G.i.F
A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright ,"t-g-i-f"

He smiled at her and replied,"s-h-i-t"

She looked puzzled,and repeated,"t-g-i-f".

More slowly he answered,"s-h-i-t"

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly,so,she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly,"t-g-i-f"

The man smiled back to her and once again"s-h-i-t".

The exasperated blonde decided to explain what "t-g-i-f"means "thank goodness it`s friday",get it duuhhh?

The man answered"s-h-i-t" means "sorry honey it`s thursday."

#3 not really a joke but a funny story
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Ever Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she ! always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car...