Lets Play A Game And Win 3 Sigs Fullrights

alright bring some jokes and i will decide whos the winner tomorrow

u can bring as many jokes u want gl everyone

 

Dude, in the second tag whats that font?

 

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?

She heard the drinks were on the house.



heres another:

A very thirsty guy realizes that he's just walked into a gay bar. He thinks, "What the hell, I really want a drink."

A gay waiter swishes up to him and says, "What's the name of your penis?"

The customer is shocked and says, "Look, I'm just not into that. All I want is a drink."

The waiter winks at him and says, "I'm sorry, honey, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis."

So the customer says, "All right, what's the name of YOUR penis?"

The waiter replies, "Well I call mine Timex, because it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin."

So the guy thinks about it for a couple of minutes and still can't come up with anything. So he asks the guy next to him his dick's name.

"I call mine Ford, because it's built ram tough. Have you driven a Ford lately?"

The customer thinks for a moment and says, "The name of my penis is Secret."

"Secret?" says the waiter, confused.

The customer says, "Yeah... strong enough for a man, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"

 

Can we use jokes that already exist or do we have to make one up?

 

Okay here are some jokes for ya:


Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Yo Mama is like a bus, she's big she doesn't smell very good and it's only a dollar to ride.

You're so stupid, your mother told you to go buy a color television and you asked, “What color?”

Yo' mama so poor, she has to chase down the garbage truck with a shopping list!

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him.
"You, sir, are drunk!"
"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"

 

There were three men at the gates to heaven, but St. Peter said that he could only let one in today so he would let the person who died the worst death go.

He pulled the first man aside and asked "How did you die?" and the man told his story "I came home from work early one day because I thought my wife was cheating on me. I searched the house and saw nobody until I looked at the deck and saw a man hanging (48th floor) and I thought that was him. I stomped on his hands, poured boiling hot water, and then pushed the refrigerator onto him until he let go and fell to his death..." Saint Peter then asked "How did you die?" and the man continued "I felt so bad about it that I shot myself."

Saint Peter got the second man and asked "How did you die?" so the man explained "I was on my deck doing a workout from these tapes that my cousin sent me and I heard yelling from the building so I looked down, tripped and fell about two floors. I was hanging off the edge of someone else's deck when an angry man came out and started stomping on me, pouring burning water on me, and then he pushed his refrigerater off and knocked me to the sidewalk where I... well you know."

Then he told the last man to come over and tell his story, the man said "Picture this. You're naked, hiding in a refrigerator from your girlfriend's husband. You feel the refrigerater moving and-"

 

A manager at a General Store is teaching a young, newly hired boy how to sell people more than they really want. Suddenly, a man walks in asking for a bag of lawn seed. The manager walks up to him and says, "Of course. But you will be wanting a lawn mower too, right?"

The man asks, "Why would I be?"

The manager replies, "Because when the lawn seed grows, you''''ll need something to cut the grass with."

Surprisingly, the man buys a lawn mower. Then another man walks in and asks for a box of Tampax. The manager nudges the newly hired boy. The boy walks up to the man and says, "Right away, Sir. But, of course, you will be wanting a lawn mower with that, right?"

The shocked man asks, "Why?!"

The young man then replies, "Well, your weekend's ****ed, so you might as well mow the lawn."

 

There were 3 men. They were stuck on an island and find a civilization. The king of this civilazation says go find 10 of the same fruit and bring them back. The first guy comes back with pears. The king says stick them up your but and dont make a sound or facial expression and i wont kill you. he gets the first the second and on the third he yells. He is killed. The second guy comes with blue barries. The king tells him the same thing. He gets one two three and all the way to 8. He gets to his 9th one and starts laughing. So he is killed. They meet up in heaven and the first guy says why did you laugh u were almost done. He says, "the third guy was coming with pineapples."

 

There was a little girl, and she went with her mom, and told her- "Mommy, can 9 year old girls get pregnant?" Her mom, surpsingly, tells her "NO! They can't, don't even think about it".
The girl, replies with a "Yipee".

 

Best ones ever:

What happened when Hellen Keller fell down a well?
She screamed her hands off(Sign language!!)


Are you allowed in your moms room? Wake me up in the morning.

 

Ok, their were 3 guys that wanted to go to colledge but they didn't have enough money, so they were wondering what they could do to get money. While they were driving one day they saw a sign that showed a contest on it. The contest was to see who had the biggest pig, and whoever had the biggest big would win $50,000. So they got a pig and they fed it tons of food, but the pig never got any bigger. So they were thinking how they could make it fat, and the first guy said, "How about we stick a cork up the pigs butt?"

A couple months later after they won the contest, they were thinking how to take the cork out of the pig. So they third guy spoke up and said, "Lets train a monkey to pull corks!" So they trained a monkey to pull corks, and they set both the monkey and the pig in the back of a truck, and then they drove away from it about a mile, and they watched what was going to happen with binoculars.

Later that evening the news crew to every station was there and they were trying to figure out what happened, so they asked the first guy what he saw, and he said, "I saw poop, poop, and more poop!" Then they asked the second guy what he saw, and he said, "I saw poop, poop, and more poop!" Then lastly they asked the third guy what he saw, and he said, "I saw the monkey try to put the cork back in....."

 

2 Geese walked into a bar.

Too bad they didn't Duck!

 

Kindof a joke:

Dearest Son

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address because the last
Gander family that lived here took the house numbers
when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice.
It even has a washing machine.
I'm not sure about it.
I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain.
We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

Auntie Maude has sent you a pair of socks she knit,
she put a third one in because she heard you have grown
another foot since she last saw you.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Jimmy locked his keys in the car yesterday.
We were really worried because it took him two hours
to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.

Uncle Bobby fell into a whiskey vat last week.
Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.
Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back.
They drowned because they couldn't get
the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time.
Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,

Mom

 

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... "

 

IDEAL HUSBAND & WIFE


Morning: Go to office lazyyy ...
Taaapaaaaaakkkkkkkk kk....... ...





Evening: you want to talk with girls... Le beta ..
Dishuuuummmmmmmmmmm mm....... ....





Night: Don't want to take me to Restaurant.
Pataaaaaakkkkkkkkkk ......... ......... .......