Kool Jokes

ErnstFlame · Mar 21, 2005 at 10:24 AM

i will go first, came across this 2day i was rocking.... :lol:

Dear Tech Support Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 ...and noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0, NRL 4.3, PGA 3.0, and NBA 3.6. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate Reply from the Technical Side: Dear Desperate First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try to enter the command: C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME" to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. BUT remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly. CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7. Good Luck, Tech Support P.S Don't forget to install Enhanced 2.1 it is approved and comes with high recommendations...
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Daz · Mar 21, 2005 at 10:34 AM

strange joke lol daz

fireboy · Mar 21, 2005 at 10:52 AM

strange.. but funny

Phat Albert · Mar 21, 2005 at 12:10 PM

Why did the dairy queen get pregnant?

Because burger king forgot to wrap his whopper.

Fate · Mar 21, 2005 at 3:20 PM

wow thats funny ^^^....not

ErnstFlame · Mar 22, 2005 at 8:35 AM

A man walks into a pub (classic, I can see you are all laughing already!). While ordering a pint he notices to the side of the till a HUGE glass jar crammed full of ten pound notes. Intrigued he asks the bar man what the collection is for, “Oh that’s not a collection, it’s the prize jar.” the barman replies.
After further questioning the man discovers that whoever is able to successfully complete the 3 challenges set down by the owner; will receive the entire contents of the jar. The man asks what the challenges are, but is told that he has to pay his ten pounds to find out.

After a couple more pints, curiosity gets the better of the man and he pays up the ten quid. The barman hands the man a piece of card and hold it in front of the man to read:

These challenges are to be kept secret, do not read out loud.
Your 3 Challenges are:
1. Drink, without stopping and without spilling the entire contents of a bottle of tequila.
2. The pub dog, a particularly grumpy Doberman has a sore tooth, remove it.
3. My grandmother is 93 and on her last legs; make her happy one last time, sleep with her.

The man finishes reading and decides that anyone would have to be stupid to attempt these and declines to continue, ordering another pint.

Later on in the evening and a fair few pints, the man has a change of heart and announces that he is prepared to take on the challenge. A quiet buzz filters through the pub as he steps up to the bar in front of a large bottle of tequila. Slowly but surely he starts drinking, inch by inch the liquid disappears from the bottle. Finally he slams the empty bottle down on the bar, a large smile spreads across his face as his legs give way and he falls flat on his face.

After a couple of minutes he is helped back to his feet, “Myy guud, iv neather dun shat befoor, I ish a likkle bet pishhhed!”.

The man stands as straight as he can, and demands a pair of pliers. The barman leads the staggering man out the back door towards the waiting dog.

For 15 minutes the entire pub is entertained by the sounds coming from the back yard, scraping, shouting, howling, crys of pain like you have never heard. Finally a battered, beaten and bloody man crawls through the door, with a triumphant look on his face, slowely he drags himself to his feet to look at the gathered crowd, “Right thensh, whersh thish granny wiv tha sore toof?”.

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himster · Mar 22, 2005 at 8:44 AM

Ahahaha n1 lol!!

`Anthem · Mar 22, 2005 at 8:57 AM

ahahah. Really laughed out loud.

ideaz · Mar 22, 2005 at 2:37 PM

Canadian Millitary......

lol j/k

Hmm...cant think of any..but that one you posted...lmfao

DistantUK · Mar 22, 2005 at 3:02 PM

lol i like that one

goat.cakes · Mar 22, 2005 at 8:13 PM

www.insultmonger.com that site has a few funny jokes and a bunch of retared ones

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