The focal's contrast is really weird. The eyes look really choppy. Make them glow or something by blurring them with Gaussian blur. Take out the repetitive clipping mask on the far left, and maybe add more depth. I'm not diggin it, sorry hun.
Hmm... Not sure what's going on that I'm not liking, but something is not likingness in there. lol Still, I think without the render and some more work on the smudging and whatnot, it could be beautiful. <3
The left side ending seems a bit strange. It is a bit too blurry, at least sharpen the render more. Lighten / darken up the render a bit to make clear that one is the focal point. At your sig lightening up would work better, not much, just a bit, another option is to burn the bg a bit. I like your current more. This one is a bit too monotone, I would have liked some more colors.
