Free 200+cred

if you tell me a nice joke ya can get ma creds

 

Are we allowed to enter more than once?

Whats black and white and red all over?

A newspaper.

 

A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.

She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box."

The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."

 

Ok heres one.

 

noo i was going to use that i had it saved on my computer

 

You stole it from my sig space not long ago.

 

i never posted it anywhere or anything like that i just thought that was f'n funny

 

Two weeks ago was my 40th birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you, the children will remember." The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word..

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning, boss. Happy Birthday!" I felt a little better - someone had actually remembered.

I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me!?" I said, "That's the best thing I've heard all day! Let's go."

We went to lunch but not somewhere we'd normally go - we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment." By this stage I was buzzed so I just nodded and off we went.

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go change." "Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday. And there I sat... on the couch... naked.

LOL!!

 

i have a couple blonde ones lol

i knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......



she called me to get my phone number.

she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because
it said "concentrate."

she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up
her mind.

she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it

she tried to drown a fish.

she thought a quarterback was a refund.

she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

she tripped over a cordless phone.

she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

she studied for a blood test.

she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said
"airport Left" she turned around and went hom

 

Mine pwns all hahahaha

 

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

 

Q:what do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A:Take the pin out and throw it back!
---------------------------

A married couple went out , they had 6 children the husband was so proud he kept refering to her as mother of six the wife got annoyed and so replyed with

OK . FATHER OF 4!

 

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl stopped beside him on her shiny new bike.
Nice bike," the cop said, "Did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "He sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation, saying, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.

 

The most simplest joke but hilarious:

Q-Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

A-.......cuz it was stuck to the chickens foot!

Say it to urself!

 

George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped,
fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were
fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids
whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland."

George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One".

The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."

George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and
stereo headset!!"

Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you
are handicapped."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning"