Right now I'm going through a total lack of motivation. It seems like I should be much more interested in, maybe even excited about what's going on in my own life. I'm a senior in high school, I got my driver's license last year, and my pilot's license this year. At first, flying was fun, but then Aviation grade fuel prices went through the roof. I also thought it would be cool to take girls flying on dates etc... As it turns out though, being able to fly doesn't make up for 13 years of being socially awkward and introverted. I've played guitar since I was 13, I've also picked up bass and drums in the last few years. Although I did get into music just for impressing girls, I have gained a genuine interest in playing music for my own personal enjoyment. I was a singer/guitarist for a band until earlier this year. I wrote a few songs for this girl from school that I like, but she never showed up to any of our concerts. I would always get her text message the next morning saying something like "Oh, was that last night? I was at a party and blah blah blah..." We eventually stopped going to band practices as we ran out of time for such things due to school or other obligations. I would have had to quit anyway because it had gotten to the point that I could barely choke out the words to most of our songs because I knew how meaningless the words had become. Now I go to school the everyday and stare across the library to see her just casually chatting with some dude in a Hollister shirt. I know the guy, he parks his silver Scion Tc next to my Chevy Tahoe every day. He would sit across from her and spew shtick from some stupid Comedy Central Stand-Up, and she would smile and laugh. Over and over. Little things like that just tear my heart. I know it's just harmless flirting, but the fact that I can pour my heart and soul into lyrics and get totally ignored bothers me. Well, last week I was playing one of my songs on an acoustic guitar in the auditorium after school when two girls came walking down to the stage where I was sitting. Textbook examples of cheerleaders. Mall clothes, flawless skin, and completely devoid of any personality. They told me that they liked my music and asked why I didn't have a myspace or anything. I knew that I would just be wasting my breath explaining my problems with News Corp. besides, I had learned when to shut my mouth about politics, so I just said "It's just a stupid song, I'm not that good. Plus, I don't have any means to record it." So they ask where I'm going after high school, if I have a girlfriend, etc. They tell me that they've seen my band play at a few shows. They ask me what kind of music I listen to, I just named some bands I thought they would know. After a while, they end up inviting me on their senior trip to Florida. I told them I would see if I could (I could), and that I might already be going on a trip with someone else (I wasn't). So that's where I am. The girl I love still doesn't know I love her, and I can't even give a straight answer to the girls that are interested in me. I have my pilot's license, but nobody wants to get in a small plane. Not like I can afford the gas anyway. And yes, I am aware of how sappy and melodramatic that whole story is. I just started typing and didn't stop until I felt I had nothing more to say. I'm not looking for pity, and I'm not in any way depressed about my life, just a little disappointed in myself. It does feel good in a really strange way to be able to write this all out. tl;dr: I'm a middle-class white kid with middle-class white kid problems.