I think your on the right track with your idea of adding a render. But maybe a abstract image and you would be on the right track. Also some brushing of the clouds couldnt hurt. Good work though.
I dont' think it should hav ea render. I think you should put your name on it in some clever way that looks good. I really can't stand the animation. You people might be hearing me say this a bit, but its true.. It's "tutorial-ish" The colors are kinda nice though. But the bg is plain i think you shoul dhave done some brushing on it. maybe some scan lines @ 10 percent, or just anything to make it look better.