9 Reasons To Be A Super Villain

Discussion in 'Spam Heaven' started by Trax, May 19, 2007.

  1. Trax

    Trax Well-Known Member

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    1. You will have more friends
    Peter Parker was a social outcast. Norman Osborne was the popular kid. Reed Richards was a dorky scientist. Victor Von doom was a rich socialite. Anyone else sensing a pattern here? Everyone wants to get a little piece of the evil. It is like Starburst.

    2. You get to laugh maniacally
    Good guys don’t get to do this. No one has ever heard Superman or Batman laughing like a maniac and no one ever will. Trust me, this is something everyone wants to do. It is strangely liberating. While you may pass chances to do this every once in a while during your civilian life, you will never get the quantity of opportunities that come with a career in villainy.

    3. All of a sudden, you will have the budget for all kinds of toys
    Super bad guys are never broke. Not only are they never broke but they always have more resources than the hero could ever hope for. Apparently the villain racket pays very well. It also seems to be recession-proof. I hear the tax breaks are good too.

    4. Hot chicks dig evil guys
    You never see an evil villain with a busted ass woman. Sure, they may be dirty, rotten, and out to steal your empire, but you can always kill them if they get out of hand. Studies show that breasts of women who hang out with evil guys are an average of two cups bigger than the nice dudes chicks. Studies don’t ever lie.

    5. You will be safe from everyday accidents
    Evil villains are never killed in car accidents. It just doesn’t happen. You won’t slip in the shower, get smashed by a falling piano, or die of food poisoning. The only way you can be killed is in an explosion created by the hero by exposing the one flaw in your plan that no one could ever possibly foresee. Even then…

    6. You don’t have to worry about anyone killing you
    Evil Villains simply can not be killed. People may think you are dead but you will secretly be lounging in an easy chair on your secret desert island hideout planning your next caper. The only way you can be taken out is by another villain eviler than yourself who will subsequently take over your identity and continue upon your path of world domination.

    7. You can kill anyone you want
    You won’t go to jail. For some strange reason, cops never come to bust Evil villains at their homes even when the evidence is overwhelming. You could kill Superman on a live video feed in front of the entire planet and not one cop would try to arrest you. They can’t even arrest you for the stash of plutonium you have in your shed. It is in the charter when you join the union.

    8. You get to dress how you want
    You never have to wear a suit and tie again. You can even dress in the most outrageous outfits while demanding the world bow to your demands and no one will even make the slightest of snide comment. This could have something to do with the fact that you can kill anyone you want and can’t be killed back. Remember, no one ever made fun of Magnetos helmet…

    9. No matter how weak you are, you will be more than a match for any hero facing you
    “But zero, Batman would kick my ass in two shakes of a stripper’s ass…” None of that matters. The sheer newness of your evil plot will confuse the hell out of any good guy. As long as you aren’t doing something that has been done to death (ie goblin themed villains) you should have no problem getting your plans off the ground.

    -- Written by Xxoozero from Shoutwire.

    Thought I should share this with you guys.
     
  2. Andrew

    Andrew Well-Known Member

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    Strong points made.

    Andrew
     
  3. EBK

    EBK Senior Member

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    all true... lol :D

    and very strong points indeed .. :)
     
  4. Wynter

    Wynter Senior Member

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    Lol, very strong points. Its almost tempting...
     
  5. Greasy Pete

    Greasy Pete Senior Member

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    that was straight up silly
     
  6. [ED] Possesed Ninja

    [ED] Possesed Ninja Well-Known Member

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    Your pants eh?
    well... #4 got me into it, making a costume now.
     
  7. xlink

    xlink GR's Tech Enthusiast

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    #10 it's a well known fact that supervillains have larger dick sizes. Boost your dick size by two whole inches just by switching to the dark side.
     
  8. Daisuke Niwa

    Daisuke Niwa Well-Known Member

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    Haha,this topic is funny.

    I agree :P.
     
  9. the effekt

    the effekt Senior Member

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    I'm the super-villian, the "Iron Waffle". jkz :P

    nice topic. :)
     
  10. l0nleystranger

    l0nleystranger Well-Known Member

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    What about maniacal catch phrases? Always need those. :P
     
  11. BiG-ReD

    BiG-ReD Well-Known Member

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    Ha, these are all true.
     
  12. Graffiti

    Graffiti Well-Known Member

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    Dats all true.

    Merged Post:


    Dats all true.
     

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