Here it is guys.... I'll post more soon, hope you like it, it will be more funny to the teens rather than adults A guy and his girlfriend went to his house late at night. His little nine yearold brother was the only one at home. They creeped into his room, in which sat the bunkbed he shared with his little bro. They agreed while they were having sex, to say tomato to go left and lettuce to go right. Once they got at it, the little brother woke up and was wondering what was going on. So the guy said "Lettuce!" and the girl said "Tomato!". After a while, the little brother got mad and said "Will you guys stop making sandwiches? I am getting mayonaise all over my face!!!" LMAO
A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where the hell have you been?" Him: "I was out getting a tattoo." Her: "A tattoo?" "What kind of tattoo did you get? " Him: "I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis." Her: "What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?" Him: "Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow . . . Number two, once in a while, I like to play with my money . . . Third, I like how money feels in my hand . . . And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!"
On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to get changed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My word, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever." She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a picture." He beams and asks, "Why?" She answers, "So I can get it enlarged."
Two older women are sitting on a bench waiting for a bus. The first lady takes out a cigarette and starts to smoke. A minute later it begins to rain, so she takes out a condom, cuts off the end, and carefully places it over the cigarette to shield it from the rain. The second lady looks at that and says, "That's such a good idea, but what is that plastic thing?" "It's a condom," The first lady replies. "Well, where can you buy those?" the second lady asks. "Um... Most people buy them at pharmacies." the first lady replies. So the second lady goes to a pharmacy and walks up to the counter. "Do you guys sell those condom things?" she asks the pharmacist. "Why yes we do," the pharmacist says a little confused, "Do you know what size you need?" So the lady says, "Well it's got to fit a Camel."
I have a couple: Donald duck and his girlfriend are staying in a 5 star luxury hotel, after a fine meal the two go to their room and the minibar isnt stocked so he goes to the desk to get a bottle of champagne and a condom while he's there, the clerk says "would you like me to put that on your bill?" and Donald replies "NO! What do you think I am, a perve??" David Beckham was horse-riding one day when the horse went out of control. It was bouncing around everywhere and he fell off with his leg caught in the stirrup, he was tossed about by the horse until the Woolworth's manager came out and unplugged the ride.
