Hi, my name is Dan. I am not a writer, I don't know how to write stories, nor do I care about writing stories. Last night I had the brightest idea. I was in bed and I thought off the funniest story ever... well not ever but it was funny, sort of. Chapter One The day was Saturday, just another ordinary day in the life of Tom. He was heading home from a long day of delivering mail. The sky was blue with a few rain clouds visible in the distance, the sun was shinning as bright as ever. Everything was perfect, besides the strong odor of dog crap that had been following him since the half way point of his route. This crap had already hardened and was now firmly stuck to the bottom of his shoes. It was ordinary day for Tom. Among one of the best days he has had. What Tom didn’t know was that it wasn’t an ordinary day. In fact the crap stuck to the bottom of his shoe was going to change his life forever. Implanted deep inside this ordinary crap was an extraordinary item. A magical item. It was a ring. You guessed it, this ring was not an ordinary ring. This ring was also an ear ring. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “A ring that’s also an ear ring? That’s absurd, I‘ve never seen such a ring in my life.” Well you’re right, it is absurd, that’s why it is a magical ring. Once Tom got home he sat down on the porch and took his shoes off. He then quickly ran inside and got a knife to scrape the crap off of the bottom of his shoe. As he was scraping it the ring fell out and Tom looked at it mesmerized. He picked it up and ran inside to wash it off. You might now be wondering what happened to the knife, shoe, and crap lying there on the porch. For all you know someone might have stole the shoe leaving Tom shoeless. Or the crap could contain a virus that a bunch of flies end up eating and then spread it to people. Also a gust of wind could have sent the knife flying into a bystander killing them. Well I really don’t care. The story is about Tom so ---- off and write your own ----! After he scrubbed the ring which is also a ear ring clean he set it on the dinner table and just stared at it. “Ose th oor,” a low voice said. Tom jumped out of his seat startled. He slowly approached the ring and picked it up. He then placed it close to his ear thinking the voice is coming from it. “Ose th orr nw,” the voice said again. Tom was shaking at this point. Out of no where he felt a strong sharp pain at the back of his head. He flung the ring across the room. ‘That ring is pure evil,” he shouted. Tom then turned around to see his mothers eyes staring right at him. She seemed to be extremely mad. “ I’ll show you pure evil your incompetent idiot,” she said. “Close that damn door!” THE END Authors Note I hope you found this chapter interesting or maybe even funny. If you thought it sucked well then I hope you go to hell. Make sure not to bring clothes because it's really hot down there. When you get there and you are completely naked because you took my advice I hope hell freezes over that way since you have no clothes you can freeze to death even though you are dead. On a brighter note this was the first chapter in what will probobly be a book with one chapter making this the book. If I feel like writing more I might just write another two chapter making this story a trilogy.
