For one thing, the textless version seems better to me I like the right part, with the colours in it, but not so fond of the left part. hat's mainly because you blended it in too hard (his cap is half vanished ^^) You got a nice light source, position-wise, but I think it's a bit too bright.
Wow... even though it's not perfect, you have a very unique style.... I like it alot it's very orginal, I don't think I've seen anything like it b4. Keep refining these effects, and you'll have a killer design one day. I would usually say something about the negative space being so plain but it seems to help your effect. TBH I'm not sure really what to say to you on this because of the way you put this together, my usually C&C doesn't really apply to the way your design is... All I can really say is GJ and keep trying to improve this effect, it's really got something about it that i like. P.S. I like the no text version better and I agree with penguin ^.^
Thanks, guys. I'll get one up with a little less brightness and blending. Photobucket's being a little gay. EDIT: It's up.