Not to be rude, but I wouldn't listen to the "too much smudging". It's clearly meant to have that look. I personally like it, B&W more than the orange.
The render needs to be a little clearer, i think that its too smudged, make the shoulders clearer so its not just 2 heads in the middle. Also the coloured version is too monotone. And the right side is empty and dark. Overall its a good start but looks unfinished. Work with it and im sure it will look great.