Dear Dr Pepsi, I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your attitude. I think I realised it when your dog humped my leg at the mental hospital and I saw you hit on your 'My Little Pony' collection. I'm sure you're open enough to understand that I get turned on only by garbage men. I'm returning your couch cushions to you, but I'll keep the results of that blood sample as a memory. You should know that I told in a confession today about the moose poaching and you ruined my attempts at another world war. Go milk a cow, Kirsty
