Not bad, but it's kinda missing a general flow. I'd go with the flow that you have on the right part, that follow the position of the render/stock better. So kinda turn the lines on the left to have them match the general flow
I agree with sanity i like the idea you have but the flow kind of creates a intersection at his head and you get stopped there kinda? not bad tho and love the general overall idea of which you have.