Bloodninja

Discussion in 'Spam Heaven' started by Mortified Penguin, Sep 16, 2008.

  1. Mortified Penguin

    Mortified Penguin Senior Member

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  2. ForgottenPassword

    ForgottenPassword Member

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    rofl
     
  3. kovan

    kovan Senior Member

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    ahhahh xD pretty funny lol
     
  4. Made me lol irl. Nice work.
     
  5. Mortified Penguin

    Mortified Penguin Senior Member

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    :)
     
  6. Majin

    Majin Senior Member

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    wow, this was on bash.org like 5years ago.
     
  7. Mortified Penguin

    Mortified Penguin Senior Member

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    Well there you go. A friend of mine just discovered it so I figured I'd share with numerous other people like me who haven't read it.
     
  8. .//XeN-

    .//XeN- Well-Known Member

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    yeah I read this along time ago but ohwell.
     
  9. pianoman0723

    pianoman0723 Well-Known Member

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    old but its still great.
     
  10. V

    V Well-Known Member

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    Never read it, Lol'd at the end.
     
  11. .ZERO

    .ZERO Nigga wit a PSD

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    older than AIM but still makes me lol
     
  12. bloodninja

    bloodninja Well-Known Member

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    ghahahahahhahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahah

    not me unless i gots an nerdy warcraft dwelling alter-ego
     
  13. Jynx_

    Jynx_ Banned from GR

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    It's so old that it's new.
     
  14. Mortified Penguin

    Mortified Penguin Senior Member

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    Indeed.
     
  15. .ZERO

    .ZERO Nigga wit a PSD

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    there were a few more tbh

    Code:
    <I.F>You ready yet? Im bearing to go!
    <SexyKarla17>Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look like?
    <I.F>a Kodiac bear
    <SexyKarla17>?
    <I.F>Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount me
    <SexyKarla17>Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking your soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my :way down your stomach
    <I.F>I growl to warm you my cubs are near
    <SexyKarla17>huh?
    <I.F>Bears get ------in pumped when anyone is near their cubs
    <SexyKarla17>yhea hehe dont be silly..
    <SexyKarla17>I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off your pants.
    <I.F>Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey now
    <SexyKarla17>hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking :it off me slowly
    <I.F>I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey is coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you
    <I.F>I Growl again, and start to bite you
    <SexyKarla17>Yhea that feels good..ooooo...not too hard now
    <I.F>I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood :mixed with honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll.
    <SexyKarla17>what the ------?
    <I.F>uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent.
    Code:
    BloodNinja Wanna cyber?
    <DirtyKate>but don't tell anybody;-)
    <DirtyKate>Who are you?
    BloodNinja I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
    BloodNinjaAnd I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
    <DirtyKate>You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
    BloodNinjaMaybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
    <DirtyKate>Haha! OK
    <DirtyKate>Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping withsauce.
    BloodNinjaWell, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
    <DirtyKate>I want everything, baby!
    BloodNinja Is this a delivery?
    <DirtyKate>Umm...Yes
    <DirtyKate>So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
    BloodNinjaGood. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
    <DirtyKate>**pause**
    
    <DirtyKate>I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
    BloodNinjaYou can't hurry good pizza.
    BloodNinjaI'm on my way now though
    <DirtyKate>**pause**
    
    <DirtyKate>So you're at my front door now.
    BloodNinjaHow did you know?
    
    BloodNinjaI knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
    BloodNinjaAre you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
    <DirtyKate>ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
    BloodNinjaSo you're still in the bathroom?
    <DirtyKate>Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
    BloodNinjaI can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
    <DirtyKate>What the ------?
    <DirtyKate>You perverted piece of ----
    <DirtyKate>------
    Code:
    <Partner 6>So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
    J-Doggg Yeah, J for Julie.
    <Partner 6>So whats with the "Dogg"
    J-Doggg Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and ----. You know, rollin with tha homies and ----.
    <Partner 6>Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
    J-Doggg Yeah like I got 6 guns.
    <Partner 6>Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
    J-Doggg hehe, of course baby.
    <Partner 6>I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
    J-Doggg Ohh, it's so big.
    <Partner 6>Yeah, what you want to do?
    J-Doggg Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
    <Partner 6>It likes that.
    J-Doggg aight.
    <Partner 6>Keep talking to me baby...
    J-Doggg I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
    <Partner 6>Mmmm, daddy like.
    J-Doggg I unzip my pants...
    <Partner 6>Yes, show me what you got.
    J-Doggg I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
    <Partner 6>WTF?!
    J-Doggg Oh ----, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
    <Partner 6>I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only ------ women...
    J-Doggg ---- just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
    <Partner 6>You dip----.
    J-Doggg I whimper to myself...
    J-Doggg please don't shoot me Mr.
    Code:
    <Bloodninja> My ---- is hard you ready to jump aboard?
    <1hOttYeVe> oh yhea im so wet right now
    <Bloodninja> Why you just shower?
    <1hOttYeVe> no im wet for you
    <Bloodninja> Did you ever play with supersoakers when you were a kid? or that gator ---- you would dive and slide down, there was that badass pool at the end of it.
    <1hOttYeVe> What the ------ are you talking about? You wanna cyber or not?
    <Bloodninja> I do! Sorry...I just didnt know why you were wet...then you say your wet for me, and im thinking I didnt even throw water on you...
    <Bloodninja> Im sorry lets continue!
    <1hOttYeVe> alright then...I walk over to you and start kissing your neck and chest
    <Bloodninja> I pop like 16 boners
    <1hOttYeVe> what the ------!
    <Bloodninja> what?
    Code:
    <Bloodninja> Wanna cyber?
    <MommyMelissa> Sure, you into vegetables?
    <Bloodninja> What like gardening an ----?
    <MommyMelissa> Yeah, something like that.
    <Bloodninja> Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
    <Bloodninja> You bend over to harvest your radishes.
    <MommyMelissa> (pause)
    <MommyMelissa> is that it?
    <Bloodninja> You water your tomato patch.
    <Bloodninja> Are you ready for my fresh produce?
    <MommyMelissa> I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
    <MommyMelissa> (pause)
    <Bloodninja> I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
    <Bloodninja> I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
    <MommyMelissa> Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
    <Bloodninja> my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
    <Bloodninja> Damn baby your right, this ---- is HOT.
    <MommyMelissa> ...
    <Bloodninja> My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
    <MommyMelissa> What the ------ is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
    <Bloodninja> Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
    Code:
    BloodNinja I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
    <Partner 8>Who the ------ are you?
    BloodNinja I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
    BloodNinja ------ me, ------ me.
    BloodNinja My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
    <Partner 8>OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
    BloodNinja We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that :forms in your thigh.
    <Partner 8>Is that like cancer?
    BloodNinja If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
    <Partner 8>Good one romeo.
    BloodNinja You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My :tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.
    BloodNinja
    
    BloodNinja The salmon swim at night.
    
    BloodNinja Towards your room.
    
    BloodNinja The snow and the moon.
    
    BloodNinja
    
    BloodNinja that was never a haiku.
    BloodNinja To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
    <Partner 8>That made even less sense than your "haiku"
    BloodNinja So you ready to ------ then?
    
    <Partner 8>You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
    BloodNinja ...
    
    <Partner 8>?
    BloodNinja I'm spent.
    Code:
    <Bloodninja> I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
    <Sarah19fca> mmmm, okay.
    <Bloodninja> I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
    <Sarah19fca> Yeah I like it rough.
    <Bloodninja> I smack you thick booty.
    <Sarah19fca> Oh yeah, that feels good.
    <Bloodninja> Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
    <Bloodninja> I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
    <Sarah19fca> you like that?
    <Bloodninja> I peel some bananas.
    <Sarah19fca> Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
    <Bloodninja> get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
    <Sarah19fca> Peanuts?
    <Bloodninja> Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
    <Sarah19fca> What are you talking about?
    <Bloodninja> I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
    <Sarah19fca> This is stupid.
    <Bloodninja> Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
    <Bloodninja> Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
    <Bloodninja> Yeeaahhhh.
    <Sarah19fca> /ignore
    <Bloodninja> Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
    <Bloodninja> We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.
    Code:
    <Jdogg> Hey
    <QT-Pie> Hey
    <Jdogg> whats goin on
    <QT-Pie> Nothing. Who are you?
    <Jdogg> Jdogg . Wanna cyber?
    <QT-Pie> what does that mean?
    <Jdogg> what are you wearing?
    <QT-Pie> T-shirt. Jeans.
    <Jdogg> Garter belt?
    <QT-Pie> Ummm...no.
    <Jdogg> Are we gonna cyber or not?
    <QT-Pie> uh, okay.
    <Jdogg> Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
    <Jdogg> You're wet already. I can smell your ----- stink from here.
    <QT-Pie> WHAT?!
    <Jdogg> I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
    <Jdogg> You leave everything to Jdogg.
    <Jdogg> I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
    <QT-Pie> This is weird. I should go.
    <Jdogg> I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
    <QT-Pie> A stripe?
    <Jdogg> I need a sandwich.
    <QT-Pie> You're a freak.
    <Jdogg> I was great. You loved it.
    Code:
    <Sweetheart> Hi
    <Bloodninja> hello
    <Bloodninja> who is this?
    <Sweetheart> just a someone?
    <Bloodninja> A someone I know?
    <Sweetheart> nope
    <Bloodninja> Then why the hell are you bothering me?
    <Sweetheart> well sorrrrrry
    <Sweetheart> I just wanted to chat with you
    <Bloodninja> why?
    <Sweetheart> nevermind your an ------
    <Bloodninja> Hey wait a minute
    <Sweetheart> yes?
    <Bloodninja> look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
    <Sweetheart> paranoid?
    <Bloodninja> yes
    <Sweetheart> of what?
    <Sweetheart> me?
    <Bloodninja> No. I'm in hiding.
    <Sweetheart> LOL
    <Bloodninja> Don't ------ing laugh at me!
    <Bloodninja> This ---- is serious!
    <Sweetheart> What are you hiding from?
    <Bloodninja> The cops.
    <Sweetheart> gimme a ------ing break
    <Bloodninja> I'm serious.
    <Sweetheart> I don't get it
    <Bloodninja> The cops are after me.
    <Sweetheart> For what?
    <Bloodninja> I'm wanted in three states
    <Sweetheart> For???
    <Bloodninja> It's kindof embarrasing.
    <Bloodninja> I had sex with a turkey.
    <Bloodninja> Hello?
    <Sweetheart> You are ------ing sick.
    <Bloodninja> Send me your picture.
    <Sweetheart> why?
    <Bloodninja> so I know you aren't one of them.
    <Sweetheart> One of what?
    <Bloodninja> The cops.
    <Sweetheart> I'm not a cop i told you
    <Bloodninja> Then send me your picture.
    <Sweetheart> hold on
    <Bloodninja> Hurry up.
    <Bloodninja> Are you there?
    <Bloodninja> ------ you, cop!
    <Sweetheart> Hey sorry
    <Sweetheart> I had to do something for my mom.
    <Bloodninja> I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
    <Bloodninja> When really you were notifying the authorities.
    <Bloodninja> Weren't you!?
    <Sweetheart> thats not it
    <Bloodninja> Then what?
    <Sweetheart> I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
    <Bloodninja> Most cops aren't
    <Sweetheart> IM NOT A ------ING COP YOU ----HEAD!
    <Bloodninja> Then send me the picture.
    <Sweetheart> fine. What's your e-mail?
    <Bloodninja> Just send it through here.
    <Sweetheart> alright *PIC*
    <Sweetheart> Did you get it?
    <Bloodninja> Hold on. I'm looking.
    <Sweetheart> That was me back in may
    <Sweetheart> I've lost weight since then.
    <Bloodninja> I hope so
    <Sweetheart> what?!?
    <Sweetheart> that hurt my feelings.
    <Bloodninja> Did it?
    <Sweetheart> Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
    <Bloodninja> Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
    <Sweetheart> yes
    <Bloodninja> Alright let me find it.
    <Sweetheart> kks
    <Bloodninja> Okay here it is. *PIC*
    <Sweetheart> this isn't you.
    <Bloodninja> I'll be damned if it ain't!
    <Sweetheart> You don't look like that.
    <Bloodninja> How the hell do you know?
    <Sweetheart> cause your profile has another picture.
    <Bloodninja> The profile pic is a fake.
    <Bloodninja> I use it to hide from the cops.
    <Sweetheart> You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
    <Bloodninja> Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
    <Bloodninja> Not to mention all the groceries.
    <Sweetheart> Go ------ yourself
    <Bloodninja> I was going to until I saw that picture
    <Bloodninja> Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
    <Sweetheart> I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
    <Sweetheart> You've done nothing but slam me.
    <Sweetheart> you hurt me.
    <Bloodninja> And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
    <Sweetheart> I thought you were bull----ting me!
    <Bloodninja> Why would I do that?
    <Sweetheart> I can't believe that cops are after you
    <Bloodninja> I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
    <Sweetheart> ------ YOU!!!
    <Bloodninja> You'd break both of his legs.
    <Sweetheart> You're a ------ing ------.
    <Sweetheart> I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
    <Sweetheart> and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
    <Bloodninja> Ok. I'm sorry.
    <Sweetheart> No you aren't
    <Bloodninja> You're right. I'm not.
    <Bloodninja>HAARRRRR!
    <Sweetheart> I'm done with you
    <Bloodninja> Aww. I'm sorry.
    <Sweetheart> I'm putting you on ignore
    <Bloodninja> Wait a sec
    <Bloodninja> We got off on the wrong foot.
    <Bloodninja> Wanna start over?
    <Sweetheart> No
    <Bloodninja> I'll eat your -----
    <Sweetheart> You'll what?
    <Bloodninja> You heard me.
    <Bloodninja> I said I'd eat your -----.
    <Sweetheart> I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
    <Bloodninja> Do I need a hard-on to eat your -----?
    <Sweetheart> I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
    <Bloodninja> Well I'm not like most men.
    <Bloodninja> I get excited in different ways.
    <Sweetheart> Like what?
    <Bloodninja> Do you really wanna know?
    <Sweetheart> I don't know
    <Bloodninja> You have to tell me yes or no.
    <Sweetheart> I'm afraid to
    <Bloodninja> Why?
    <Sweetheart> cause
    <Bloodninja> cause why?
    <Sweetheart> well lets see
    <Sweetheart> you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
    <Sweetheart> doesn't that seem strange to you?
    <Bloodninja> Nope
    <Sweetheart> well its strange to me
    <Bloodninja> Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
    <Sweetheart> I didn't say that
    <Bloodninja> So is that a yes?
    <Sweetheart> I guess so.
    <Bloodninja> Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
    <Bloodninja> Are you willing?
    <Sweetheart> What do you need me to do?
    <Bloodninja> I need you talk like a pirate.
    <Sweetheart> ???
    <Bloodninja> When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
    <Bloodninja> ok?
    <Bloodninja> Hello?
    <Sweetheart> You can't be serious
    <Bloodninja> Oh yes I am!
    <Bloodninja> It's my fantasy.
    <Sweetheart> this is retarded
    <Bloodninja> Do you want it or not?
    <Sweetheart> Yes I want it.
    <Bloodninja> Then you'll do it for me?
    <Sweetheart> sure :)
    <Bloodninja> Ok. Here we go.
    <Bloodninja> I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
    <Bloodninja> You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
    <Bloodninja> I softly begin to tounge your wet -----.
    <Bloodninja> I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
    <Sweetheart> mmmm yeah
    <Bloodninja> uh oh ...going limp.
    <Sweetheart> Har
    <Bloodninja> You gotta do better than that!
    <Bloodninja> Your picture was really bad.
    <Sweetheart> HARRRRRRRRRRRR
    <Bloodninja> Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your ----- get more moist with every stroke.
    <Bloodninja> I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
    <Bloodninja> Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
    <Bloodninja> I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
    <Sweetheart> mmmmmm you are good
    <Bloodninja> I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
    <Bloodninja> going limp
    <Sweetheart> HARRRRRRR
    <Bloodninja> Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
    <Bloodninja> You begin to sway back and forth.
    <Bloodninja> going limp
    <Sweetheart> this is stupid
    <Bloodninja> ...still limp
    <Bloodninja> Do it!
    <Sweetheart> HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
    <Bloodninja> I turn you around to lick your ------.
    <Bloodninja> I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
    <Bloodninja> I see ---- nuggets hanging from the hair around your ------.
    <Sweetheart> WTF?!?!?
    <Bloodninja> They stink really bad.
    <Sweetheart> OMG STOP!!!
    <Bloodninja> I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
    <Bloodninja> I tear off your wooden peg leg.
    <Bloodninja> I ram it up your ass.
    <Sweetheart> YOURE A ------ING PYSCHO!!
    <Bloodninja> Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
    <Bloodninja> And turn you into a ------ing candy apple...
    <Bloodninja> I kick you in the face!
    <Sweetheart> ------ YOU ------!!
    <Bloodninja> The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
    <Bloodninja> Your parrot flys away.
    <Bloodninja> ...going limp again.
    <Bloodninja> Hello?
    <Bloodninja> Say it!
    <Bloodninja> HAARRRRRR!!!!!
     

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