The background could have some effects to it instead of beibg solid black. Your lightsource is to big and theres not focal. The effects you have right now, that you drew, look mediocre. Its hard to tell what the render is, and the red dot you put on her eye needs to go, or have some sort of effect to it. The text is ok. Your current sig is a lot better. Check out the tuts section, it helps out a ton.
I don't think that render fits this type of sig very well. That red dot doesn't look that good. The text looks nice The things at the left side are also pretty cool.