Post jokes here Ill start A smart blonde the easter bunny and santa jump outa a plane who hits the ground first None of em because they dont exist
Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something...! When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer. "Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"(pointing to the bowl). "Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold all winter."
George Bush is speaking at a primary school and after speaking he is asked a question by a kid named Mikey. He says he has two questions: "Why did America invade Iraq without UN sanction, and where is Osama Bin Laden." Right then, the bell rang for recess, and after the break, the children come back in and Billy is called on for a question. He asks 4 questions. "Why did America invade Iraq without UN sanction, where is Osama Bin Laden, Qhy did the recess bell ring twenty mintues early, and where's Mikey?
The CIA is looking for a new assassin. After months of grueling interviews, they narrow it down to three possible people- two men and a woman. They call them all to headquarters to administer the final test. The CIA director walks up to the three, taps the first man on the shoulder, hands him a pistol, and points at a door. "On the other side of this door you will find your wife, tied to a chair. To test your dedication to us, we want you to shoot her in the head." The man nods, shocked, and goes into the room. He comes back after a few minutes, crying. "I couldn't do it." The director dismisses him and hands the gun to the next man, who enters the room just like the first. After a minute or so a shot rings out, and the man appears back in the doorway. "I shot the wall. I couldn't do it." The director sighs and dismisses him, reloads the pistol and gives it to the woman. "On the other side of that door is your husband. Shoot him dead." The woman goes into the room, slamming the door behind her. A shot rings out, followed by a yelp and five more shots. A racket of banging and screaming follows this, and the woman exits the room, her hair unkempt and her sleeve torn. "Well?" asked the director. "The gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat the ---- out the bastard with the chair!" ^I Thought That Was Hilarious! ^If you dont get it, the CIA loaded the gun with blanks on purpose. They were just testing the dedication of the members. So they told the 2 men to kill there wifes, without knowing the gun had blanks, but they couldnt. They werent meant to. But since the girl didnt get it, she really did kill her husband.
dick chainy george bush and his wife are on a plane bush:I could throw a 100 dolar bill out the window and make some 1 really happy Chainy:i could throw 10 10 dolar bills out the window and make 10 people happy bushs wife:i could throw 100 1 dolar bills out the window and make 100 people happy pilot:i could throw them out the window and make thousands of people happy
A lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at the bar by himself. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic Beer", he says. She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?" "Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times and comes back in the window. The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again." He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window. She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having." She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies. The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real ass**** when you're drunk."
A nine year old boy asks his mother, "Is God male or female?" After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well God is both male and female." This confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?" "Well," she says, "God is both black and white." This really confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?" Feeling a bit out of her depth, but wanting to be consistent, the mother answers, "Honey, God is both gay and straight." At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks... "Is Michael Jackson God?" hehe this is alright
An Erotic Story NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN One spring day, a fish was swimming about a foot below the surface of a lake and saw a fly hovering just out of striking distance. The fish said to itself, "If that fly comes six inches closer, I'll jump up and have myself a meal." Just then, a bear on the shore of the lake looked up and said to itself, "If that fly gets any closer to that fish, the fish will jump up, and I'll catch the fish and have myself a meal." As luck would have it, a hunter saw what was happening. He thought to himself, "If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab the fish, and I'll shoot the bear." Just then, a rat was standing behind the hunter saying to itself, "If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab the fish, the hunter will lean over to shoot the bear, and I'll grab the sandwich from the back pocket of the hunter." However, unbeknownst to the rat, a cat was observing everything and thinking, "If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will grab the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the rat will grab the sandwich, and I'll snatch the rat." At that very moment, the fly dropped a few inches, the fish grabbed the fly, the bear grabbed the fish, the hunter shot the bear, the rat grabbed the sandwich, the cat jumped, missed the rat and landed in the lake. The moral of this story is: When the fly drops six inches the pussy will get wet.
lol ive heard it as this : when the bait drops 5 inches the pussy will get wet but great either way and im loving that micael jackson joke :lol:
I like that michael jackson one What does xbox and michael jackson have in common? turned on by little children
