A Million Little Lies

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by MFKR, Mar 30, 2006.

  1. MFKR

    MFKR Well-Known Member

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    Anyone read the book a Million Little Pieces? I read it a while ago and its one of the best books ive ever read in my whole life.

    If you havent read AMLP then dont read all this.


    D:

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    Background: this James wakes up in a taxi with a combination lock through his ear and an addiction to Pinot Noir and dancing.

    Excerpt of 'A Million Little Lies'
    By James Pinocchio

    I am crying.
    Cry-ing.
    Cry cry crying.
    Like. A little. Girl.
    We are at The Facility, at Sleepy Hollow,New York. It is a sprawling compound for people like me, People Who Drink Too Much Pinot Noir and Dance Dance Dance. Always the Dancing. I drink Pinot Noir. I Dance. I am Garbage. We are checking in, and we have just been ushered into the white-white office of Lorraine R., one of the in-house psychiatrists. She is forty and attractive in a forty-year-old kind of way, which isn't really all that attractive, come to think of it, especially in our youth obsessed culture, but I sense there is more to her than meets the eye. I wonder if I detect a slight Vienneseaccent, and whether her real name is Brunhilde, but it's possible that this is just a figment of my overactive imagination.
    You've come to the right place, Lorraine says. I laugh. I have a big, honking laugh that sounds like the bark of a seal. Or is it a sea lion? I can never get that straight. (Imagine Steve Carell doing that laugh. Or Will Ferrell, if he still has a career.) Do you find this amusing? Lorraine asks me, but she does it with a tenderness that seems maternal, though not exactly maternal, as will become obvious at a later juncture in the story. No, I say. I just laugh when I'm nervous. You have nothing to be nervous about, Jimmy. If you behave. We have a lot of rules here, and the one big rule is, No Dancing. If you don't dance, and you follow the other rules, of which there are many-didn't I just say that?-you will be fine. She tells me to say goodbye to my parents, and to my brother, Geppetto, which I do. I do not hug my parents. I can hardly stand touching them. My brother punches me on the shoulder, playfully, like guys do. It doesn't hurt, but I feel like crying anyway. Maybe you can figure out why. Maybe I have more depth than I'm letting on.
    After they are gone, Lorraine asks me all sorts of questions.
    Do you like to drink?
    Yes.
    What do you drink?
    Pinot Noirs, mostly. But I won't say no to a good Cab.
    It's got to be a real monster, though. There's nothing worse than a bad Cab.
    Do you drink all the time?
    Only when I'm conscious.
    Are you in pain?
    Only when I breathe.
    She takes my blood pressure. The cuff feels tight, but Lorraine keeps pumping the little black bulb, making it even tighter. The sound the pump makes is like a woman on the verge of an orgasm, or what I think a woman on the verge of an orgasm sounds like, because I personally have never heard that sound. I've seen it, though, in porn movies, but I've got a feeling that some of those girls are faking. Afterward, some big Black Guy in White comes by and shows me to my room. I am tired, but he tells me I have to take a shower, and I don't want to break The Rules. As I strip, I can hear Gloria Gaynor in my head, singing "I Will Survive." I love that song. The water is hot. Burning hot. It scalds my skin. I guess I could simply reach over and adjust the temperature by, say, adding a little cold water to the mix, but that wouldn't make for good drama. So I take my punishment like a man. Like. A. Man.
    The combination lock is still dangling from my left earlobe, and it hurts like a mother----er. I wonder whether Lorraine noticed it, and, if she didn't, whether she's a good psychologist or psychiatrist or whatever. Then again, maybe she noticed it and didn't want to say anything. Maybe she is both maternal and tactful. That is a good combination. That makes me think of the combination lock again, and in some ways I am thankful. I realize that whoever plunged that thing through my lobe could have done worse. Much worse. I've heard stories. I've lived stories. I've made stories up. When I get out of the shower, I think I see a shadow, but I'm not sure. Then I think I see bugs crawling up the wall, and I think the walls are breathing, expanding and contracting, closing in on me, but that's too Lost Weekend, so I ignore it. I cross to the mirror, with a towel hanging loosely at my waist, like a hula skirt. The mirror is fogged up and I am glad because I don't want to see my face. I don't want to look into my own eyes for the simple yet heart-tugging reason that I haven't had the courage to look into my own eyes in many years. I do not want to see The Real Me. The Real Me is a coward. And a liar. But I have my good points, too. My prose, for example. And the way I use "and" repeatedly in very long sentences to create the illusion of breathlessness.
    Aaargh! Here come the bugs! I am lost. Here come the Black Men in White, with their Big ----ing Syringes. Afterward, I wake up and hurl and find my way to The Lounge. I guess I'm early, because I'm alone, and I take a few moments to review my Life of Privilege.
    Who am I?
    What happened to my hopes and dreams?
    When did everything begin to go wrong?
    Wait. I am all over the place. Let's focus: Are there three or four key elements in my young, privileged life that shaped me and defined me, and do any of them have the Weight of Tragedy?
     
  2. MonsterLishis

    MonsterLishis Well-Known Member

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    Wasn't this book a fraud? I heard Opera got really pissed and had a spaz attack on TV.
     
  3. MFKR

    MFKR Well-Known Member

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    Yea, A Million Little Lies is making fun of it.
     
  4. DefaultVoid

    DefaultVoid Well-Known Member

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    Dude. 1984 is a better book. George Orwell has weird ideas but good books... Amazing.
     
  5. X-5

    X-5 Well-Known Member

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    thats a pretty creative cover
     
  6. Ice92888

    Ice92888 Well-Known Member

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    I ought to go look for that book and read it sometime.
     
  7. ViVi8

    ViVi8 Well-Known Member

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    lol at that book
     
  8. redskinfanatic

    redskinfanatic Well-Known Member

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    yea i might grab that book
     
  9. up2ditime

    up2ditime Well-Known Member

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    i saw it onopera he got juged for frauding the book
     
  10. 1337 Pwn4g3

    1337 Pwn4g3 Well-Known Member

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    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  11. ReWrite

    ReWrite Guest

    i heard about this..and i even tho i had never read the book i could still notice the puns ;)
     
  12. Aiden

    Aiden Well-Known Member

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    Opera would kill a man for burning a book...
     
  13. Boxiom

    Boxiom Well-Known Member

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    wait...

    someone explain this whole scandal to me
     
  14. Vodka?

    Vodka? Well-Known Member

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    lol million lies = fraud
     
  15. Anti-Hero

    Anti-Hero Well-Known Member

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    oh a book group^^
     

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