Ehh, not as fun as my last, but i must admit, it's better written. Not only did i write this one in the evening instead of 2 in the morning, but the magnitude of temptation to go on a tyraid against the republican party wasn't there. So i was actually focused this time. The paper basically explains three symbolic objects/references (that we had to choose) from Death of a Salesman. Note: It's not done yet; still need to do that damn conclusion http://home.comcast.net/~zerowing/symbolism.rtf Fell free to critique, and of course - enjoy. ^_^
Pretty good. Haven't read the book, so I can't disprove any of your symbols, but I just wanted to know the two dimensions Biff was limited to because, in case I didn't read carefully enough, I don't believe they were listed there. Make sure you run a spell checker. I only saw appliance misspelled, but I may have overlooked another word or so. Overall, a pretty fluent and morbid evaluation of the novel, it seems like. I went to SparkNotes and checked up on your symbols, and it's obvious that you did put effort into making these ideas quite your own, and far from being similar to those of anyone else. I like your style of writing. It's new and refreshing. Good job.
I thought i posted this before, but it must've gotten caught in the sweep.. The three dimensions of a human: Body, mind, and personality, or 'soul'. Biff seems to lack depth in his character, which would be a personality that goes far beyond the other two humane components.
It's definitely better written than most essays I've seen posted on here, but I guess some critiques are on the way anyway, heheh: Are you trying to say that there's a lot of symbolic realism and enlightenment? If so, I'm not sure whether "seething" is the word I'd choose. Seething denotes anger, agitation, turmoil, violence, etc. Are you sure you weren't thinking of "teeming?" This sentence is just too convoluted for my taste. The way it reads it seems as if you're using a thesaurus to find words that sound intelligent, without considering how they actually fit into the sentence. Take off the apostrophe in "it's," heheheh. Also, it reads somewhat weird as well. If I were you, I'd write something like this: "The symbolism of this book is essential to understanding its message." ...saying "purpose" and "message to the reader" in the same sentence is redundant, since you're basically expressing the same idea in different ways. I don't like this sentence all that much either. You should make the transition from your introduction to this paragraph a lot smoother. Perhaps add a "for example" or something of that nature. The way it reads it gives the impression that you're randomly jotting ideas down, even though this paragraph is well within the main topic of symbolism. Make your paper flow smoothly. The change from "begin to grow" to "wilt in mid-life" is too sudden. Perhaps make it something like "As Willy plants the seeds of his children, they begin to grow. However, as they grow, they wilt in mid-life, much like BLAH BLAH *insert something here to allude to the symbolism in the book and how it relates to nature, birth, growth, etc. etc.* Altogether, like I explained before, this reads a little too dry. You jump from one idea to another one a bit too quickly, and it seems as if you're throwing a bunch of ideas out there, but are doing little to develop them adequately. In particular, there's something I dislike about your choice of adjectives/adverbs in the sentence mentioning "nurturing accomodation." Once again, it makes me think you're using MS Word's built-in thesaurus without really understanding the words themselves... Couple notes: -The part where you have "but in Willy" is an incomplete idea. I assume that you didn't finish it yet, though, so no biggie. -In general, I don't think you have a desire "of" something. You have a desire "for" something. But, I might be wrong on that one; not sure. -"Distraught" is an adjective, not a noun. -Your second sentence could use a little work. I'd write it something like this: "In his quest to end the emotional turmoil brought by his poor lifestyle, Willy finds more reason to look for enjoyment elsewhere, seeing as he can no longer find it at home." ...or something to that effect. -In my opinion, you don't need the "virtually" on the first sentence. Getting rid of it adds strength to the statement. -Your second sentence is a fragment. Either connect it to the first or third sentences, or add a predicate to make it complete. -"Unscathed by sheer agony" is an unnecessarily long and convoluted way to express the idea you want to express. It seems as if you want to impress the teacher by using "big words" rather than by writing a coherent paper. Huh? That sentence reads horribly. Massive re-work is needed. You already said something almost identical just 2 sentences above. Might want to reword. Is the part about being faithful to the wife referring to Willy or Biff? As it's written, it's somewhat unclear, so you should rephrase so it's clear who you're referring to. -Get rid of the apostrophe in "it's." -Who's in denial? Make it clear who you're referring to, because right now it reads as if you're referring to the author's ability to incorporate symbolism into the book, and then you're jumping to a completely different idea involving a character in the book that happens to be in denial... There are some grammar incosistencies on this one. Instead of saying "her attempts," say "...just like she attempts..." Overall, I'd give you these tips: -Develop your ideas more clearly. -Make your transitions a lot smoother. -Don't use needlessly complicated vocabulary and sentence structure. This isn't poetry; you're not gonna get extra points for scouring a dictionary in search of more obscure wording. You're trying to demonstrate something to your audience. Therefore, make it as clear and as legible as possible. As general advice, while you're proofreading your paper, it's a good idea to read it to yourself out loud. Doing so helps you catch the parts about it that read oddly, even though it may all be written correctly. The idea here is to make your message clear to OTHER people, not just you. Reading it out loud to yourself helps you find whether or not your ideas are expressed coherently, whether or not your ideas work together to prove the point you're trying to prove, and whether or not your paper flows.
