It's just for a class, so don't get too riled up about it. But feel free to critique, i guess. I've got a some-what hard-lining comp teacher, so i could actually use some oppinions. http://home.comcast.net/~zerowing/files/politics.doc Note: this is the rough draft, the first body paragraph might be taken out all together. Edit- Here it is without the first body paragraph: http://home.comcast.net/~zerowing/files/politics1.rtf I'd prefer you read that one since the other is a mess with it still in the paper.
I am very much like you in the fact of your knowledge of politics. And I like it. Just dont expect a hillbilly to read it ^_^ .
What grade are you in? It's actually quite good, although I do have a few pointers. If this a formal essay here are some things about the semantics Paragraphs shouldn't be seperated, only indicated with an indent. Use "one" and try to avoid the use of "you". Here are some things about the content. The intro has a decent start/thesis, it states a question. Try to develop the intro more, it needs more beef. If it were me I would save the "should they be in office" as the last sentence of the essay. I would insted ask something like "What are the qualifications for a good goverment, Has the Repulican party fufilled their role in office, What are the possible consequences of an incompetent/biased goverment that seeks to fufil its own agenda with disregard for the general public for whom it is ment to serve." This may be wandering away from your message but you can easily create each body paragraph(description of each mistake) to support the idea that incompetent goverment(more specifically, the repulican party) is ruining america(morally, intellectually, or whatever). For the conclusion I would bring everything together, re-enforce your message with the key points from each body paragraph. I would make the last sentence. "There remains one unaswered question; should the Republican Party remain in office? and I would end it with that. That leads the reader to draw his/her own conclusions, which of course will reflect your message since you just hammered it into their brains, and in turn making them think "wow, this is an incredibly powerful essay, my mind is changed.' You have a lot of talent/potential with writing, but work on organizing/expressing your ideas(they are good ideas). It helps to do what you just did, ask for critiques and it helps to have someone to bounce your ideas off of, so if you want someone to listen to your ideas, I can help. I am glad to see a fellow writer on these forums. Edit*** In paragraph two Get rid of they're not, it's redundant because through the essay you are already implying that they're not.
Save it as a .txt and upload it that way people can read it in their browser and not have to open word or openoffice. And I have been pro communism for a long time. You get out your thesaurus to make people look stupid or do you actually use those actual words in conversation. And any retarded monkey can see that George W. Bush is the dumbest politial leader since well ever. If your just now catching up to that I feel sorry for you and that fact that you have to post your report about a websites horrible contribution to litterature. Edit grammar errors
Chill, he had some good underlying points, in fact some of them support your views, why are you bashing him? Insted of trashing him, why not help him bring those points more in the open. He obviously tryed so why are you attacking his character like that. Maybe you're having a bad day or you have some self esteem issues, but that's no excuse to bash someone like that. It takes courage to post your work, especially to people whom you don't know. Lay off and keep your flames to yourself.
Chill. This is for a high school class, i don't do this for fun (although i had fun writting it ). And yes, i do enact utilization of words such as "abhor" and "innate" in casual conversation, and my fellow class-mates are already pissed about it. lol. Thanks for the tips dude! And yeah, i guess that last part was a bit redundant, but man, i was just..burning with feeling in this one, being very democratic. ^_^ So try to excuse some things that might be just a bit 'zealous', lol. edit- and oh yeah, i'm a senior in high school. ^_^
Chill. This is for a high school class, i don't do this for fun (although i had fun writting it ). And yes, i do enact utilization of words such as "abhor" and innate in casual conversation, and my fellow class-mates are already pissed about it. lol. Thanks for the tips dude! And yeah, i guess that last part was a bit redundant, but man, i was just..burning with feeling in this one, being very democratic. ^_^ So try to excuse some things that might be just a bit 'zealous', lol. [/b][/quote] Glad to hear that I helped, I know what you mean when you say you get a bit zealous writing for something. You may definatly have a future in writing, just harness that energy and keep writing outside of school. Good job, clean it up and you'll get a good grade, even if you don't, just know that the work you produced was quality. Just keep it up ^_^
